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| Sir Humphrey |
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| Bernard |
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| James Hacker, PM |
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Bernard (the junior civil servant) goes to see Sir Humphrey (the senior civil servant) and tells him that Hacker (the Prime Minister) is planning to announce his "Grand Design" (canceling Trident [Britain's nuclear weapon] and reintroducing conscription [National service]). The PM thinks it will be a vote-winner because a Party poll has shown that 64% of the population are in favour of reintroducing conscription.
Sir Humphrey advises Bernard to issue another poll to show the majority of the population is against reintroducing conscription. Bernard wonders how this can be done and Sir Humphrey explains it:
Listen to the performance (Real Audio)
| Humphrey: | You know what happens: nice young
lady comes up to you. Obviously you want to create a
good impression, you don't want to look a fool, do
you? So she starts asking you some questions:
" Mr.
Woolley, are you worried about the number of young
people without jobs?" |
| Bernard: | Yes |
| Humphrey: | "Are you worried about the rise in
crime among teenagers?" |
| Bernard: | Yes |
| Humphrey: | "Do you think there is a lack of
discipline in our Comprehensive schools?" |
| Bernard: | Yes |
| Humphrey: | "Do you think young people welcome
some authority and leadership in their lives?" |
| Bernard: | Yes |
| Humphrey: | "Do you think they respond to a
challenge?" |
| Bernard: | Yes |
| Humphrey: | "Would you be in favour of
reintroducing National Service?" |
| Bernard: | Oh...well, I suppose I might
be. |
| Humphrey: | "Yes or no?" |
| Bernard: | Yes |
| Humphrey: | Of course you would, Bernard.
After all you told her you can't say no to that. So they don't mention the first five questions and they
publish the last one. |
| Bernard: | Is that really what they
do? |
| Humphrey: | Well, not the reputable ones no,
but there aren't many of those. So alternatively the
young lady can get the opposite result. |
| Bernard: | How? |
| Humphrey: | "Mr. Woolley, are you worried
about the danger of war?" |
| Bernard: | Yes |
| Humphrey: | "Are you worried about the growth
of armaments?" |
| Bernard: | Yes |
| Humphrey: | "Do you think there is a danger in
giving young people guns and teaching them how to
kill?" |
| Bernard: | Yes |
| Humphrey: | "Do you think it is wrong to force
people to take up arms against their will?" |
| Bernard: | Yes |
| Humphrey: | "Would you oppose the
reintroduction of National Service?" |
| Bernard: | Yes |
| Humphrey: | There you are, you see Bernard. The perfect balanced sample. |
From Yes Minister